Rejection Hurts...

I moved from a friendly small town in the midwest to a suburb of Washington, D.C., when my children were not yet old enough to attend school. My first shock came when we entered a grocery store and I smiled at the clerk who waited on us. No return smile! I tried smiling at people I'd pass and found not one friendly face. Weeks and months passed. Still whenever I reached out to smile or share a friendly word with a stranger, the only thing I received in return was a cold, or distant return glance. That was a very hard time of life for me.

I wonder if that's what God feels when He smiles down on us and we ignore Him. Jesus walked the earth and people refused to listen, denied Him, and killed Him. How His heart must have hurt to be dying for our sins while being rejected by the people He'd come to save. Each and every day, God smiles down on us with the blessing of another sunrise, another sunset, clothing on our backs, food for our stomachs, shelter, and more...so much more. Yet, few thank Him.

Today, I still smile and speak to strangers. Sometimes I get a smile in return, sometimes we strike up a conversation, but sometimes I get rejected. It still hurts. Sometimes I think an ungrateful word, or silently call them an unkind name. That isn't what Jesus would do. So, each day I try to remember to share my smile and kind word without expecting anything in return. How can I love others less than God does?

Enjoying the Fruits of Labor

I never dreamed my husband's health would deteriorate to the point that I would become caregiver during the time we planned to enjoy doing things together, traveling, and being free. My once active, healthy love is now bound by oxygen tubes and other health issues which leave him trapped in our home. At times I feel like I'm caring for a baby again, and sometimes I feel cheated. That's when I'm wallowing in self-pity because I'm longing for "our dream," which will never be. At these low times, I pick up the Bible to receive the strength and regain perspective.

The real truth is...we ARE spending time together. We may not be traveling to new places, but where better to be than in the home we made together? Hard labor remodeled each room. My husband spent his life working long and hard hours, and in his off-time, he worked just as hard to make this house a home. Now, we have the luxury of being united to enjoy the fruits of his labors.

I'm grateful each and every day for his presence, for his sense of humor, for his unconditional love, and I wouldn't trade that for anything.

Mark 10:45 "For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as ransom for many."

How can I not do likewise?

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When God Calls...

When I began the journey of moving my mother into our home, it was with great trepidation. She hadn't been the ideal mother. I'd never felt loved or cared for. She wasn't demonstrative, except for her bouts of anger and resentment, hair-pulling and fists on the back. But she is my mother. The only mother I'll ever have. So, we made plans and moved her here last May.

Over the past months, God has shown me how to forgive and move forward. In the first few weeks, she lashed out and said hateful, hurtful things. I cried. I wrestled with why I could never be good enough to earn her love. She told lies. She tried to create a wedge between my husband and I. But what she knows, and probably is the source of her resentment, is that my husband and I have a bond of love strengthened through our faith. None of her marriages were the kind I have. I know she's jealous. And I know the devil uses that as a weapon. But satan has no place in our house. Finally, I realized that I had to stand up to her and not let her run over me. I had become a martyr. She's changing. A little at at time. Through it all, I've drawn much closer to Jesus, and my faith has grown tremendously. God always has a plan for our lives, and even in the midst of the darkness, He walks with us and promises us a place in heaven if we accept Him as our only Lord and Savior.

Be still and listen, and when God calls, answer.

Forgiving Enemies - A Test of Faith

This year has been one of testing faith for me. I've always known a weakness when it comes to forgiving my enemies. Satan knows this and he uses this against me. He wants to shake my faith. But I have no room for Satan in my heart. The Lord resides within me and he supports me and loves me unconditionally. I find that hard to comprehend. He loved me and he loved all of you so deeply and so unconditionally that He sacrificed His beloved son to die on the cross. Jesus was scorned and torn from head to toe. From a crown of thorns, his back ripped and raw from a brutal beating-a beating to near death, to nails driven through his hands and feet. Can you imagine? This was done to save us. When I think of this, my body tingles inside. How could He love us so much?

With such unconditional love, how then can I be more like Jesus? How can I, a mere human, who has given her life to Christ, learn to be as forgiving as Jesus? He called his betrayer, Judas, a friend. He washed his feet at the last supper knowing that Judas would betray him in just a short time. Satan has been trying to chip away at me to find a vulnerability so that I might betray Jesus as well.

We brought my mother to live with us. Every day I struggle with forgiveness and with loving her unconditionally. But I pray for her and with her. The Lord sustains me. As I get closer to a new phase of my life--retirement--with no substantial savings to fall back on, I have been working hard to have full faith that God will provide for us. I know He will. So, Satan continues to attack. I told you a few weeks back that someone broke into our home while we slept and stole our television. That television was only a "thing". God protected us, his precious children. What we lost was material only. So I prayed for the salvation of the thief, that he might come to know Jesus before judgement day. It is up to God to be the judge. Satan did not win that battle.

Yesterday I realized my debit card was missing. The last time it was used was at a restaurant for lunch the day before. My heart sank. I opened my bank account online and saw someone had gone on a spending spree and zeroed out the account. The thief had purchased multiple tanks of gasoline, purchases at a carryout, purchases inside gas stations, purchases at a bar late at night, and the purchase of jewelry at an astounding cost of $1,388.00. What would we do? Shaking and terrified, I called the bank to learn that I can only dispute the charges after they post against the account. They did close the debit card so no further purchases could be made. Once I dispute the charges, it will take several weeks to determine that they are fraudelent and I will receive the funds back. I contacted the police and made a report, I contacted the restaurant and gave them details, I called the mall where the jewelry purchase was made and learned they will release video surveillance to the police. I continued to feel violated all day long. I prayed to God to keep me balanced and thanked Him for being with me. Then I realized I needed to forgive this enemy as well. How could I do that? I felt so personally violated. So, I prayed that this thief would be caught and in so doing his life of crime would be thwarted. I prayed that he would find salvation before judgement day. I haven't forgotten. But as each hour goes by, I know that I'm letting go of the anger. I went to Bible Study last night and in doing so, I received God's reassurance and grace. So many people are suffering through things I cannot imagine. My loss is temporary and is only material. God has provided a means to get through this minor fire.

He is ever loving, ever present, and ever my Father. Satan has lost another battle.